[Title] Restoration
[Texts] Matthew 19:3-5. Compare Genesis 1:26-28; 2:24, 25; Genesis 3; Exodus 20:14, 17; Proverbs 5: 15-20; Galatians 6:2; Philippians 2:4; Luke 17:21; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 1:4; Ephesians 3:17-19; Matthew 19:3-9[Use] January 21, 2006

Last Wednesday photo journalists zoomed in on the tears of the wife of Supreme Court nominee, Judge Samuel Alito. Martha-Ann sat behind her husband during his confirmation hearings. She had been listening for three days to the questions bombarding her husband when a senator asked Alito, “Are you really a closet bigot?” At that point, Martha-Ann left the hearing room in tears.

Sen. Orrin Hatch of Utah suggested that Alito’s wife was sick and tired of the mistreatment of her husband and was suffering from a migraine headache.

During a short break, Judge Alito went to check on the woman he has been married to for 21 years. When the couple returned to the hearing room, Alito was holding her hand. He gave priority to making sure she was okay.

In a healthy marriage, what impacts one person in the relationship is felt by the other. It’s one of the evidences of God’s design for one-flesh marriage. However, here on earth, everything is not ideal.

In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul, a disciple of Christ, writes: “Sometimes I wish everyone were single like me—a simpler life in many ways! But celibacy is not for everyone any more than marriage is. God gives the gift of the single life to some, the gift of the married life to others." (The Message Bible).

Married life “as a gift” is difficult for some couples to understand. According to Karen and Ron Flowers, Directors of Family Life Ministries for the General Conference of Adventists, Christians are divorcing at a higher rate than non-Christians. Divorce is so common that there are as many couples falling out of love as it there are those falling “in love”.

Marriage was designed by God to meet one's need for intimacy and love. What’s gone wrong with God’s plan for marriage?

In his popular book, "The Five Love Languages," author Dr. Gary Chapman suggests that the magnetic attraction, tingly feeling and sensual joys one feels while dating or seeking a mate grow, dim, or disappears all together unless one learns and focuses on one’s mate’s love language.

Chapman quotes Dr. Dorothy Tennov, a psychologist who has done long-range studies on the “in love” phenomenon of couples who are attracted to one another. Tennov has concluded that the average life span of a romantic obsession is two years. If it is a secretive love affair, it may last a little longer. Eventually we become annoyed or irritated by the other. Dr. Tennov suggests that the “in-love” experience should not be called “love” at all.

Chapman identifies five ways married pairs can pursue “real love”: through words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch. Each individual in the marriage receives love best through one of these primary channels. Rarely is the couple’s love language the same.[1]

Learning one’s spouse’s love language assists the couple in looking out for the other’s interests. This requires giving of oneself to the other. That is exactly Christ’s model of love. It is a love marked by giving over getting.

--ck

[1] Chapman, Gary. The Five Love Languages, Chapter 3: (Chicago, Ill.: Northfield Publishing 2004).
Note: You and your spouse can identify your primary love language in a questionnaire provided in the back of Chapman’s book.

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